January 9, 2018 by Shannon Michael Smith
They don’t talk about baseball in Austria, Germany, or France.
Which is precisely why the Rascalsoftheravine staff hopped aboard an Air France airbus (the airline meal consisted of cheese served intravenously) to escape the pain of a Game Seven hari kari by Doomsday Darvish (the decision to start him was just about on par with Decca Records passing on The Beatles.)
Living on a diet of Radlers and sorrow we plunged through the blizzards of Garmisch, Germany in search of…let’s face it, more Radlers (we also watched several episodes of a really pervy German version of Cops.)
We thought we were safe. On a particularly frozen evening, the loss to the Astros literally loomed large in the form of an Augustus Gloop clone wearing an orange Snoopy (?) World Series 2017 sweatshirt. Our crack scribe, Tom Fostex, had to be restrained from dumping a pitcher of bourbon (that’s how he drinks it now) over Gloop-clone’s chubby head. The name of the bar was the Bistro Wukkefuck Cafe (see above photo.) Nuff said.
After nearly being food poisoned by an Austrian McChicken, Tom Fostex deliriously demanded a return to the States (and our senses) to see how the Dodgers had been getting along in our absence.
So, you guys are back? OH YEAH!
Yep, and it appears that Luis Avilan, boot fetishist, is now a member of the Chicago White Sox as Los Dogs acquired lefty Scott Alexander in a trade. The rotation appears to be Kersh, Hill, Wood, Maeda, and (gulp) Ryu. The decision to grab Darvish instead of Verlander last year surely must haunt the dreams of the front office-fannies? Their response? Right-hander Dylan Baker was acquired from the Brewers for $75.00, a See’s Candy sampler, and a really sweet bottle of Jagermeister.
When does the Jeep leave for Spring Training?
Early March, of course! We have a new road manager who actually survived two tours with legendary Manchester band, The Fall, so we think he should be able to handle Fostex.
Is it true that he broke into Hemingway’s house in Paris with a Ouija Board and communicated with the dead?
Yes. In the end, however, Fostex found the whole experience overrated.
Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!!