July 25, 2017 by Shannon Michael Smith
After the dreaded speculation that King Kersh will remain on the DL for at least a month, the Dodgers certainly needed a pick-me-up yesterday. Cue Kid Cody and the Ravishing Ryu…Hyun-Jin pitched a decent five frames as he only surrendered a deuce…Cody clobbered a three-run shot (his 28th) to put the Dogs ahead for good in the eighth…final score Dodgers 6, Twins 4.
Did McCarthy really go on the DL for blister finger issues?
Yes, which is really eerie because this is usually Rich Hill’s problem, which can only mean one thing…Hill has been cavorting with witches ala John Cassavetes in Rosemary’s Baby. A Roman Castevet-type warlock has helped Rich Hill transfer his affliction to another pitcher, namely McCarthy…their sinister plot is now unmasked and we shall—
How come the Loge Section doesn’t have any good grub?
What? We’re trying to uncover a major plot here—
Who cares? That’s boring. We want to know why we can’t get crazy food on the Loge Level. Y’know like a hot dog/hamburger mash-up on a waffle bun, or a fried chicken and bacon ice cream sandwich, or…
Okay, we’ll admit it…the Dodger Stadium Loge section has incredibly boring food…are you happy now?
Who’s pitching tonight?
Marvelous Maeda will take the hill. He does not have any pus-laden digits as far as we know…
What about for the Twinkies?
They’re sending Jose “Capitán Crunch” Berrios to the mound…Berrios’ nickname is, of course, derived from his addiction to Crunchberrios cereal, an extremely popular breakfast food in Puerto Rico.
What time does the game start?
Didn’t we go over this? Dennis Gilbert, Larry King, Charley Steiner, Rick Monday, and Mary Hart are all vampires…no daytime starts…they all hang out together during the day…if you want to see them, you have to go to that carousel on the Santa Monica Pier, it’s where they hang out all afternoon, like those cool cats in The Lost Boys…
Isn’t that carousel in T.J. Hooker a lot?
Jesus, this is a baseball blog, right? It was the last time we checked…okay, fine, it WAS in T.J. Hooker…Shatner and his shifting wig blew away many-a-scumbag there, happy now?
Until next time, mirth-seekers!!!!